i have been staying in a motel for the last 9 days because i have nowhere else to go and can't ask friends for help as they wouldn't want to know about it. sure they may show some sympathy but that would be the extent of it. one "friend" that i asked numerous times to read this blog flatly refused saying he didn't need to. i guess i wanted him to know how i was coping. it gets back to how i have felt all along, no one cares enough about mental illness. i feel again that i am on my own with this so the past 9 days i have spent on my own.
tonight is the night that i will find peace, i am in a relatively good mood. i'm not depressed or manic. i slept most of today and then had a shower and rushed to bunnings before they closed. i had ten minutes to buy hose, a stanley knife and duct tape. it was quite surreal asking staff where the garden hose section was and stanley knives. i found myself running around the store so i didn't run out of time to get what i needed. i wasn't sure what diameter hose to buy to fit in to the exhaust without it being to large to tape the window of the car up.
it is 10 pm now, i will probably burn a cd soon so i can listen to it in the car later. have some washing to do as well, strange really why i would want to do that when i don't plan on being around to wear them.
12.40pm now, watched tv for a while, didn't do washing though. i have been having second thoughts about going through with this and trying to get my life on track and of course the agency. i even signed up for a new web hosting account.
i am getting tired now, going to get changed and go for a drive. if this is my last post then i say goodbye and i hope that anyone reading this will understand. i also hope that it may send a message to health departments and that so much more needs to be done for sufferers of mental disorders, especially when they cry out for help.
